College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize