The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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