somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
