I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
