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I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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