I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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