Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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