Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
