P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
