At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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