Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
People in love make me want to vomit
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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