What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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