Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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