don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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