I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
