its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
false alarm, still single
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