i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
