I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
