Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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