Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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