Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
