Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We named our party play list daddy issues
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
