I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
