I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my being single is dangerous.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
