Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
