I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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