as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
