had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
