Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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