She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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