oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
