Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
