yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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