I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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