morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
