So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
