They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
