we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Randomize
