Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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