She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just invented taco cereal.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
