I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
