i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
