my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
