Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize