Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i wish my penis had a tongue
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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