Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
