this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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