I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
