im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
