When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
