All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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