seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
