The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
