before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
