Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I forgot how hot balto sounded
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
