just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
