yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize