if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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