Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
