we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
