just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
