Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize