fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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