i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
