what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
