so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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