I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
