Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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