Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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