Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
