Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
