she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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