I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
