You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
