All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
