Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
