I wish I could teleport
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
