All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
