We should be called the Road Head Warriors
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
