Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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