Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize