You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
