I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
is wine microwaveable?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
