I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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