listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize