dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
