Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
