Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize