2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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