I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
