it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
