I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
