All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
