How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize