What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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