i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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