I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize