Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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