We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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