Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize