The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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