she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
