my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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