I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
