he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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