so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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