your thong is hanging out like whoa
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
