Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
