Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
